Monologue from DISCLOSURE

But here is what I did not imagine: what he would say after I said, “This is what you did to me.”  What he did say. Which was:  I did? When?

Female/ femme identified actors, I offer the following monologue which speaks to the present moment. It’s from my full-length play DISCLOSURE, originally produced by Those Women Productions at PianoFight in San Francisco with Valerie Weak in the role of MAYA.

Actors are free to use this monologue for auditions; all other rights are reserved. The script is available for production.

Contact the author at: clashof[at]gmail.com

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MAYA

What did I imagine? Did I think he would grovel, beg for forgiveness?

I don’t know. I imagined how I would feel later, after the great moment, after the triumphant—or maybe the catastrophic, or the cataclysmic, or … the apocalyptic? Certainly, the transformative moment. That’s what I imagined. How I would feel afterwards. After I had become a different person, a person who was done with the past. Over it. Done with it.  Ready to let the healing begin.

But here is what I did not imagine: what he would say after I said, “This is what you did to me.”  What he did say. Which was:  I did? When?

When I was a child. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.

He said:  Are you sure?

Yes, I’m sure.  How can you not be sure about something like that?

And then, for a moment, I wasn’t.

He said: Memory plays tricks.

But I am.  I am sure.

And he said: It was a long time ago.  He said:  You were young.  He said that he was drunk, that he was drunk a lot in those years.  He said he was sorry, sorry for being drunk.

And I said again:  Here is what you did to me.

And he said:  If I did that, then I’m sorry, but I don’t remember.  And then he … shrugged his shoulders.  And he said again, sadly, “I’m sorry.”  Not meaning, I believe, to be cruel.  And I just stood there staring at him, speechless.  And after a while, I turned around and left.  Because there was nothing else to say.

 

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What this woman is up to …

On International Women’s Day, 2014, I cofounded a theater company with director Elizabeth Vega. These days we’re too busy running Those Women Productions for me to post on this site. So if you want to know what This Woman is up to, please check out THOSE WOMEN: Those Women Productions. Thanks! See you in the theater.